I Love You Because You're Mine

Lilia Joy,

Everyone told me, but I never understood what that moment would be. You and me had had a very long 3 days of labor, we were both starving and tired, both trying very hard to end it and get to the next phase. Daddy and I had had to make a lot of hard decisions together, but this marathon was something you and me shared in a way nobody else could. We were working together on this, the last part of our time completely connected to each other. The very last part was such hard work for me. I wanted to see you, hold you, know you better, and I was determined to get there. I didn't even know we were close, thought I could have hours more ahead of me.

And then Dr. Eddy said, "Here's the head, and here's the baby!" And he held you up and I saw you, and I begged for you right then. Every millisecond without you in my arms was wasted. They put you on my chest and I was forever changed. I knew I would love you forever and ever, I knew I would do anything for you, and most of all I knew you were mine. I remember saying over and over "You are the most beautiful person I've ever seen." I remember Daddy looking over my shoulder, with tears in his eyes just like the ones rolling down my cheeks. I remember wondering if anyone else was still in the room, because all I could see was you and Daddy, our little family.

I love that you are so cuddly. I love that you look at us with one eye open when you don't want to wake up. I love that you are thoughtful and quiet like Daddy. I love that you like things a certain way, just like me. I love your "dove cry," which sounds like a little baby bird and includes pleading eyes. I love your long, beautiful fingers. I love your legs, which tuck up under you every chance you get, and your little feet which seem to have a mind of their own.

But I really love you because you're mine. And no matter what you do or where you go, I will always love you because you are my baby. I tell you every day that if they lined up all the babies in all the world, I would pick you every single time. I love you because you're mine.

God spent a lot of time while I was pregnant teaching me that He loves me because I'm His, not because of anything I do. And now, holding you, I understand. I love you because you're mine. We chose your name because it means, "What belongs to me belongs to God." And He loves you because you're His, too. No matter what.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

--Mommy