One True Thing

I thought today was going to be a rough day. It didn't start well. Miss Lilia woke up like 5 times last night and I was so tired! Jeff took her first nap with her, but I went to the library to snag a Culture Pass. So when I got home I fed her and then he went grocery shopping and took her so I could sleep. But of course I can't sleep on cue like that, so I laid in bed for 40 minutes thinking, "Go to sleep! Go to sleep!" and finally got up and cleaned the kitchen a bit and made some muffins. Then when Jeff came home, I fed Lilia and he and I did a quick version of our devotions and he left for work.

Then things turned around, though, which was wonderful. I was able to sleep with Lilia for like 2 1/2 hours, and then we ate and played and took a bath and ate again and went to bed. We had a wonderful time and I was struck again by how many really amazing moments there are in my average day.

I was thinking about this job vs. other jobs I've had and one great thing struck me about it: There are no widgets. Do you know what I mean? Those silly hoops you have to jump through. With teaching it was grades (which I think are a ridiculous system) and silly down-to-the-minute schedules and lines and purchase orders. When I was in claims I couldn't even count the widgets, much less name them.

But now everything I do carries such weight. It's an opportunity to serve my daughter at the most vulnerable point in her life. Right now we get to teach her about family and God and love and grace, in little baby ways. She already knows, to borrow a phrase from Maya Angelou, whether our eyes light up when we look at her. She is learning to need, which is such an important human condition that leads to so many beautiful interactions with other people and with God.

She's also learning the world around her and I get to watch. She pet the cat today, all on her own for the first time, and I thought, "Wow. She's never pet a cat before. I'm witnessing a person's first pet!" It was incredible to think about that and nearly everything she does or sees is a first. And we, Jeff and me, the little team that we have become, get to be her first loves.

This is a freaking hard job. People who have kids (and some who don't) know that. But it is one of the few true things in life -- the world is actually substantively different because of parents, and because of the way we choose to parent. No widgets. High stakes. Significance. Wow.