I don't make New Year's Resolutions. I haven't for years because I try to evaluate my life and change it far more often than every year. So this isn't that post. :)
I generally hate New Year's as a holiday. (For background, see previous post re: transitions....) Anyway, today is so different.
I woke up so grateful, so hopeful and optimistic. I could already feel the baby moving and I just stayed there and felt it, absorbed it, tried to appreciate it and wrap my mind around it. To feel this connected to a person that I don't really know yet is a strange gift and a truly unique experience.
Didn't think I would feel that way because an old fear has resurfaced for me in recent days. I've been worried that parenting will overwhelm us, bury our relationship and our spirits forever. I've worried that we're not up to the task, that we've been too naive about the whole thing by looking forward to it. The snickers from other parents, the "Silly new parents. They haven't got a clue what they're getting into" mentality.
But yesterday I was inspired by reading a very old friend's website about his little baby boy. He and his wife just seem to be beaming through the whole experience. Not "making it through," but loving every minute of it. In a flash I remembered why we chose to have a baby in the first place, how excited I am to fulfill a lifelong calling to help lead a family with my husband, and most importantly I remembered to have a little faith. A little faith in the God that called us to this, a little faith in the best husband in the entire world, and a little faith in our ability to lead a family.
So I'm going bravely, naively even, into the great unknown.
**Blowing noisemaker with a ridiculous smile on her face**
HAPPPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
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