Not This and Not That

I have a secret: I felt completely unprepared to be a parent up to and including the day Lilia was born. A lot of the time I still feel like I have no skills related to parenting. This is funny because more than one person told me in previous years that they could picture me with kids and that I would be a "natural."

Which brings me to another secret: I'm not really a "natural" at anything. I cheat. I read every book in the world, or in the case of music I practiced my behind off to make up for my lack of natural talent.

So, when the prospect of parenting came along, I did what I do best: I cheated. I read all kinds of books, googled stuff, asked a lot of questions. And I found out that parenting is much more art than science, and that you can lose your mind among all the options.

I remember learning that reality when I first got pregnant. Jeff and I were trying to just rough out a budget so we could make a plan for buying baby stuff. Simple, right? I looked up "what you need for a newborn" thinking there would be a consensus (Yeah, right!). I found a wide world of decisions that required me to define my parenting style months before my child was born: cloth diapers or disposables, breast or bottle, wraps and slings or baby carriers and strollers, crib or cosleeper or (yikes!) in the parents' bed, Ezzo or Dr. Sears, etc. etc. etc. I remember feeling the tears creep in right in the middle of Babies R Us, as I felt more and more overwhelmed by the choices.

The onslaught hasn't really stopped. I meet more people every day who have one method or another and many who think I should adopt their method.

So, even though I have no idea what I'm doing, I've decided to wing it. That's right, I'm a "Wing It Parenting" person. I don't know where she will sleep when she's 9 months old, I don't know how long I will breastfeed, I don't know whether I'll use the stroller or the Moby Wrap when I go to the zoo next week. I don't know if I'll "put her on a schedule" in the future or when I'll start solids. I don't know if I'll get so annoyed with cloth diapers that I'll go to disposables.

This is my official declaration of independence from all the sources I usually trust: books, the internet, all of it. I will take their opinions into account when I make my own decision. I know I have very few skills related to parenting. I know I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm starting to suspect that "They" don't either.

So I'm going to love my daughter, get as much sleep as I can, have a good time, take a bunch of pictures and throw caution to the wind.

I just needed to put that in writing. Thanks for "listening."