Crazy

The last few days have been a roller coaster. To be honest, I guess the last few years have been a roller coaster.

One of the critical reasons it's so hard to understand motherhood from the outside is that so much of motherhood happens on the inside.



Two pink lines on a piece of plastic and you are suddenly a different person. Chemistry changes, biology changes, hormones change, instincts change. Your perspective changes and all you want to do is mother -- raise this baby the best way that you know how, giving them every opportunity you can.

You have mood swings, morning sickness, weight gain, stretch marks, fatigue, cravings and aversions, and overwhelming motivation to protect the life inside of you and to create a safe place for that little baby once he or she is born.

Then you have labor, which I have learned from my two children can range from totally doable to comparable only to the cruciatus curse from the Harry Potter series.

After that you're monitoring baby's weight gain, accepting that you can never have exactly the body you had before pregnancy, learning how to breastfeed, coping with sleep deprivation, writing down feeds and poops and pees and trying to get your baby to sleep while often dealing with continued mood swings as your body adapts to not being pregnant anymore.

One of the most difficult things about all of this for me has been the fact that, after 3 years of total partnership, Jeff cannot completely go with me on this journey. Sometimes I've felt alone in my pain or stress or exhaustion or moodiness and this weekend was one of those times.

Women are thrust head-on into the experience of parenting, but men have a choice as to how involved to be from the moment they get the news of the pregnancy. And some choose to take no role at all or only a very small one.

But Jeff has proven time and time again that, free to choose, he will walk this road beside me no matter how hard it gets or how crazy I get. He proved that again this weekend by showing me that I am important to him, that I am a priority, and that I'm not alone, no matter what. He is my hero!

I say it all the time, but I am so blessed to have this family. If I could pick any 3 people to spend my days with it would be them.

Happy Thanksgiving.