Rachel Held Evans has got me thinking again, this time with a post about her fears of motherhood.
The thing that scares me most is that, in a way, they're all true.
- Nothing has ever threatened my marriage like having children. Nothing has made me forget who I am like having children. Nothing has scared me more, pushed me more, hurt me more, or changed me more than motherhood.
- Of course the flip-side that everyone talks about is also true. Most critically, I don't think I knew the depths love could reach until I had children. I have come to a better understanding of grace and communication and priorities and values and pretty much everything else.
How can motherhood unravel me and refine me at the same time? I feel both of those things so keenly and I'm struggling with how to reconcile them.
I was talking about someone at our church nursery changing a poo diaper for me a few months ago and I started to tear up. Why, you ask, would someone cry about a diaper?
Because I am the Poo Person. I am embarrassed to tell you how much of my life revolves around poo, but it's a lot. So when someone else changed a poo diaper it moved me.
Things like this cause me to wonder, Is this what I've come to? I'm a Poo Specialist? What in the hell happened to my life?
Among many other things, I think motherhood can be profoundly disorienting. It's like the love you have for this new little person (or in my case, people) shifts the whole axis of the universe and you don't understand the orbits anymore.
I posted vaguely about some questions I have about motherhood. This first one is not even clear enough to be a question, but it has to do with wondering how being a Christian, an egalitarian and a mother work together in the same space.
2 comments:
love, love, love it!
Here are my thoughts... I think being a Christian, an egalitarian and a mother all dovetail nicely together. Put it this way - being an egalitarian Christian parent means that both parents are equally involved and responsible for raising their child in a loving, healthy, safe environment where the child begins to build the foundation of a relationship with God.
I think it's easy at the beginning to feel lost in parenthood as a mother because, let's face it, the scales are tipped heavily in our direction. We do the breastfeeding (not that father's can't or don't do bottles) and we typically do most of the diapers, laundry, bottles, etc... But that doesn't mean the father isn't (or can't) be equally invested.
I think the idea of equality in parenting is seen best over the long haul. Like I said, I think the early years are tipped more heavily towards the mothers but it balances out or even tips towards fathers during different times.
That's been my experience raising my kiddos. I am so blessed to have a partner in raising my kids. And I know that you have been blessed in the same way!
~Andrea
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