Help and Appreciation

Being a full-time parent is exhausting and amazing at the same time. Anybody who's done it knows that, but I'm not sure it's possible to understand it if you haven't been there. (The questions I get hover between insulting and hilarious....) I certainly didn't "get it" before I made the big leap!

Last weekend I started to feel really overwhelmed, thinking of the task of packing our life up in a week. But I was stopped in my tracks when I read Judson's story online. It's the story of a little boy who died of a rare illness just shy of 3 years old. It was a five-tissue read for sure, but it will stick out in my mind for more reasons than the emotions involved. The faith of both Judson and his family left a permanent impression on my mind of what a difference perspective makes. Those of us who believe that this world around us is not the only thing there is have a different perspective on everything -- including suffering and death and... parenting.

When I read it I was totally overwhelmed by Lilia's needs for that day. She was teething and it was exhausting to me. But reading about Judson made me realize two things: First, that there are no guarantees, so every day with a person I love is precious. Second, that everyone needs a break. Just because I'm home doesn't mean I'm present, so it suddenly became clear to me that I really need to do whatever it takes to be present with my daughter every day. And for me, this week, that has meant asking for help.

And my friends are amazing. Just amazing! Jaime was here Monday, Andrea and her kids were here Tuesday and Tracy AND Eliecia and the girls came on Wednesday! The loved on Lilia, helped pack, made food, whatever. It was wonderful. I wish I'd thought of taking pictures of it all on Monday, but alas I figured it out towards the end of Wednesday. But I got a cute one so here it is:

And Another Thing!

She sprouted a tooth yesterday. I can't believe it. I'm totally going to be one of those parents gazing mistily at people with newborns muttering, "It goes so fast...."

The tooth really still has to be felt rather than seen, but it's right in the middle on the bottom, so we'll get a cute picture when it grows in further!

Sitting Pretty

For a little while, Lilia has done what I call the "froggy sit," which looks like this:
and then this:
and finally this:
But yesterday, with Jeff and I both there, she did THIS!:
I feel like we should start doing college tours or something....

Sad, Then Happy

The last two days I've meditated a lot on this verse:

Romans 8:28
²⁸And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

After Jeff and I got over the initial shock from the deal on Tuesday night, we made a great plan with my dad yesterday. We would come back to the bank offering to pay $1000 in closing costs (all we can do comfortably) and also pursue other houses. Jeff took the baby to look at houses yesterday morning and found one he really liked. Meanwhile, my dad searched listings and came up with the same house. He called the realtor and he said they were closing to offers yesterday at 5, so we got one in just under the wire.

Then this morning the bank e-mailed back on the original house and said they'll officially accept our counter offer. It's allllmost finished and completely in writing. We'll start breathing again at that point.

So anyway, now it looks like we still have the house and (believe it or not!) we might even close on time.

Holy cow. There is so much to do!

"God's power is shown in redemption, not prevention." Thank you, Lord.

Happy, Then Sad

Some of you know the problem we encountered recently with our home purchase. The appraisal came in a little low, so we had to go back to the bank and ask if they would take that for a purchase price. We waited impatiently while they reviewed the appraisal and did all their paperwork.

Yesterday my dad (our WONDERFUL realtor!) called and said that the bank had agreed to the new price, but asked us to pay $1,000 in closing costs (initially they were going to pay all closing costs). We agreed and thought all was done.

Today, however, my dad got an e-mail from the bank basically saying that they changed their minds and would like us to pay all closing costs. It appears that this will kill the deal. We're super, super bummed. Nothing new has come on the market in our price range that would work for us, and everything we were looking at at the time has sold. We've given notice on our apartment, we've got boxes all over the house and we have no clue what to do now.

"God shows his power in redemption, not prevention." Lord, please redeem this situation!

An Unexpected Sunday

So we were very excited to have scheduled a date today, but that didn't work out as planned with babysitting. So we went out with Steve and Tracy for lunch and had a great time. Miss Lilia loves them!


On the way home we finally remembered to pick up the Exersaucer that Jess and Jay left for us when they moved. We've been excited about it for a while, but this kid LOVED IT! It was really fun to play with her on it!
All in all it's been a fun day around our house. :)

One True Thing

I thought today was going to be a rough day. It didn't start well. Miss Lilia woke up like 5 times last night and I was so tired! Jeff took her first nap with her, but I went to the library to snag a Culture Pass. So when I got home I fed her and then he went grocery shopping and took her so I could sleep. But of course I can't sleep on cue like that, so I laid in bed for 40 minutes thinking, "Go to sleep! Go to sleep!" and finally got up and cleaned the kitchen a bit and made some muffins. Then when Jeff came home, I fed Lilia and he and I did a quick version of our devotions and he left for work.

Then things turned around, though, which was wonderful. I was able to sleep with Lilia for like 2 1/2 hours, and then we ate and played and took a bath and ate again and went to bed. We had a wonderful time and I was struck again by how many really amazing moments there are in my average day.

I was thinking about this job vs. other jobs I've had and one great thing struck me about it: There are no widgets. Do you know what I mean? Those silly hoops you have to jump through. With teaching it was grades (which I think are a ridiculous system) and silly down-to-the-minute schedules and lines and purchase orders. When I was in claims I couldn't even count the widgets, much less name them.

But now everything I do carries such weight. It's an opportunity to serve my daughter at the most vulnerable point in her life. Right now we get to teach her about family and God and love and grace, in little baby ways. She already knows, to borrow a phrase from Maya Angelou, whether our eyes light up when we look at her. She is learning to need, which is such an important human condition that leads to so many beautiful interactions with other people and with God.

She's also learning the world around her and I get to watch. She pet the cat today, all on her own for the first time, and I thought, "Wow. She's never pet a cat before. I'm witnessing a person's first pet!" It was incredible to think about that and nearly everything she does or sees is a first. And we, Jeff and me, the little team that we have become, get to be her first loves.

This is a freaking hard job. People who have kids (and some who don't) know that. But it is one of the few true things in life -- the world is actually substantively different because of parents, and because of the way we choose to parent. No widgets. High stakes. Significance. Wow.

Feet

She found her feet with her hands at some point last week, I think. But she found them with her mouth for the first time today. Precious doesn't begin to cover it....

The good, the bad, and the very very cute....

(Warning: I am aware that there are aspects to this post related to what my baby eats, where she sleeps and the fact that she sometimes cries seemingly inconsolably. I am also aware that everyone, everywhere seems to have an opinion on all of these items. I ask for advice frequently, but this is not one of those posts. In these areas I've researched to a level that can drive a person crazy and have decided, as declared in a previous post, to wing it.)

So today I had two really fun outings. First I went to the zoo with my friend Charity and her charming girls. It has been unseasonably cool here and it was a wonderful day for the zoo! Next I had a lovely lunch with my Bradley class playgroup. It was really great to see everyone and their babies again! Even our teacher, Jenny, came with her daughter. It was so nice to hang out with everyone.

Things went a bit downhill after that, though. I figured I was on a roll so I was going to find this great book I had seen at Fry's and later decided I wanted. I had already called my favorite independent Christian bookstore and they didn't carry it so I went to Barnes and Noble. Well, they didn't have it either so I went back to Fry's and was excited that they still had it. Only then I looked in my wallet and discovered that I didn't have my bank card. I thought I would write a check and then discovered that I was also missing my ID. I gave up and went home. Miss Lilia decided to eat, and eat, and eat some more when we got home. She kept crying and in a moment of desperation I decided I would try rice cereal. Looking back I'm pretty sure it was teething, but anyway we got some fun pictures.



I think about one spoonful got ingested, in the end, and she quickly returned to crying. It seemed like nothing would comfort her! And in the insanity I managed to lose the Snappi from her diaper mid-change and also her binky. It was not my finest moment. But, just in the nick of time, Jeff came home on his dinner break with a chicken pot pie for me and some comforting arms for Lilia. He actually got her to sleep in her cosleeper without the aid of a binky! I was endlessly grateful. She woke up one more time but I had a little more in the emotional tank for that one. She screamed and I repeated the 23rd Psalm over and over again. Believe it or not, it calmed her down and I was able to nurse her to sleep. She's sleeping peacefully in her cosleeper as I write this. Thank you, Jesus!

I can't believe I'm in the folder, "Lilia Joy, Month 5" for these pictures, but here are a couple more good ones.

A Study in Contrasts

So tonight my brain is in three places.

1. I'm currently watching a FABULOUS episode of the Colbert Report. He's in Iraq. It's freaking hilarious. I particularly like his logo, which includes the word "veritasiness."

2. I'm rereading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, which is as wonderful as the first time I read it. If you haven't had the pleasure of reading this engaging series, allow me to be the 457th person to recommend it to you....

3. I'm getting extremely excited about Monvee. Most of you who know is know that Jeff and I LOVE John Ortberg. We often joke about calling him on the phone and asking him to mentor us. If you haven't read any of his books, we highly recommend them. Particularly The Life You've Always Wanted. Anyway, I think Monvee is turning out to be the closest one can get to being personally mentored by Ortberg. I'm working with the leadership team at our church on spiritual formation and I'm recommending this program! I would love to know what you all think.

Finding a Tribe

When Jeff and I were first married our friends were pretty much the same friends we'd always had. Jeff met most of them before high school (one in third grade!) and I was graciously grafted as though I were native to the tree. We are still friends and they are accepting, loving people. It's wonderful to go through life stages together and see each other on vacations.

When we moved to Arizona, we were blessed with a fabulous church and an INCREDIBLE life group. They are honest and deep and caring. We often wonder what we would do without them.

Now that I'm living on baby time and we are living in a different part of town, I'm learning that every momma needs a tribe! And that tribe really needs to be down the street, not a ways up the freeway.

Old friends feel great. And it's especially great to see that we really don't lose friends, we just get new ones! But making new friends makes me a little nervous....

It's scary to have a need. Ever noticed that? It breaks the "I'm fine" rule, which is a very important rule in a lot of circles. Especially in our country. Everyone is an island, or wants to be. But islands are lonely people. And to say, "I'm lonely" is very scary for a lot of people. It brings up memories of junior high lunchrooms, doesn't it? But closeness is created when we share our needs and allow others to meet them. And God gave us loneliness so we would make friends and families! It's a good, normal thing. So today I looked up playgroups, stroller strides groups and MOPS groups. And I felt so encouraged. Here's to finding a tribe!

New Haircut

So I got very tired of wiping spit-up out of my hair and getting it pulled when it was used as leverage for standing. So I went to our girl at the Toni and Guy Academy and had it chopped!

I love it. The only thing is that now I have to get my ears pierced to go with it, because that will be perfect. It's fun, it's light, it's easy and it's a LOT cooler than the other way. You still can't see it super well in these pictures, but I was on my own and it's night time.

I feel like a new woman. Isn't it amazing what a great haircut can do for you?

Things I love

• Her very first smile when she wakes up in the morning
• The way she tries to get cuter and cuter until we both wake up -- no good having just Daddy or Mommy awake, must have them both to the party! Sometimes if we stay asleep she flails in the hope of hitting us awake....
• The little strawberry on her foot
• Her hugs. I think she means to give them now! Real hugs! Oh, there are no words....
• The way she tries to explain herself before she cries, with intense eyes and carefully formed "words." Her little mouth turns down and you can see the sorrow in her face. It kills me.
• The look on her face when she's trying to figure something out. She gets very serious.
• The way she has no patience for mechanical things, like getting her little rings off of her gym. Jeff says this is just like me.... :)
• The way her face lights up when we look at her
• Her snuggles when she's tired
• The way her little eyes go up and to the side when she wants sympathy and is trying to plead her case
• The way she reaches up and tries to help us get her out of her car seat
• The little sort of snorty laugh she makes when she knows she's about to be fed
• Her "singing"
• Her love for patterns of all kinds
• Her careful attention to books we read
  

Things She Loves

• "This Little Piggy"
• Raspberries on her tummy
• Nestling her head under Daddy's chin for a nap
• The ABC Song
• The Very Hungry Caterpillar
• Mommy and Daddy being in the same place with her
• Putting anything and everything in her mouth
• Holding her feet up for us when we change her diaper
• "Singing" with us (Amazing Grace, The Baptism of Jesse Taylor, The ABC Song, really anything!)
• Dr. Jafri
• Being worn in the Ergo, Kozy or Moby
• Standing up (with assistance, of course)
• Playing the piano
• Being naked (Uh-oh!)
• Ceiling Fans
• Lights
• Music of any kind
• Nursing :)