Musings of a First-Time Mom

I spoke to someone who asked a lot of questions tonight about becoming a parent. I find that when I'm honest about it, it sounds kind of scary. Which is sad and halfway inaccurate, but it's so hard to describe parenting accurately!

This person, who is planning to become a parent at some point if I don't inadvertently talk her out of it, asked hard questions and got honest answers. It's scary to speak truth about parenting because it's like walking onto a mine field: you're allowed to say it's hard but you're not really allowed to give specifics without inviting judgment from all sides. And you have to immediately get misty-eyed and say how it's all worth it.

I thought of posting my honest answers here, for instance, but I've already been burned in the past by people reading my blog entries and imagining that they know me or my life better than they do. So I'm just going to tell you what I want to say to new moms in general. What advice would I give? Well, it's not logistical. I won't say breastfeeding or babywearing or getting them on a schedule or teaching them sign language.

Here's what I will say:

• Do whatever it takes to avoid judging yourself or being around others who judge you. There is nothing more difficult than dealing with judgment in addition to lack of sleep and everything else, so if you catch a look of contempt or superiority from a mommy friend every time you give your baby formula (or nurse in public, or talk "baby talk" to your baby, or whatever you're doing!), lose the friend and find some people who can let stuff go. Everybody does things differently and most of our babies do just fine. If you love your baby and are doing your very best, that's all you can ask for!
• Take care of your body and your marriage. You need sleep and good food, and you need to continue to nurture your marriage. No matter what. Prioritize these things. BTW, sometimes taking care of your marriage means making waves, telling your spouse that something isn't working for you, etc. Resentment is a cancer that will take your marriage. Better to rock the boat with a little honesty than sink it with years of built up resentment!
• Don't miss it! Every phase with an infant goes so fast. Be present and healthy enough to experience it with your baby.

Hope these things help some new mom out there somewhere! I wish I had known them a little better when I started this journey, but I'm getting my "sea legs" now and loving it!