This is a Blessing

Sometimes my days are so hard. I don't mean hard in that I don't want to do them, or tragic in any way. Just hard to finish. Like a long hike. Sometimes, if it's been a very long night, they're hard to start. Sometimes it's just hard to imagine getting up and doing everything that needs to be done -- all the diapers, the meals, the potty trips, the nursing, the dressing, the decision-making. Sometimes I'm on my knees before my day starts, begging God to let me be some kind of light to my children when I feel like I'm just... spent.

But then a light shines in and I can see things clearly.

Strange reference, but it reminds me of the movie "Knocked Up." The father involved is telling the soon-to-be grandfather about the unexpected child he's now expecting. He's devastated as he tells his father that this is a disaster. The grandfather responds by saying that an earthquake is a disaster, his mother having Alzheimer's to the extent she doesn't remember him is a disaster. This is a blessing.

So here I am tonight, exhausted and yet having a moment of clarity about what a blessing my life is. So many things are right with it. I am so loved and unconditionally accepted by my husband and kids. I'm so free to be exactly who I am. I get to raise my two favorite children in the world. I don't miss a thing.

This is a blessing. I'm so grateful to have it.

It Matters

This post on a blog about Egypt really made me think.

In our country it is impolite to discuss politics most of the time. Being politically involved is considered naive at best and a serious character flaw at worst. People who do it are often angry and ill-informed.

The problem is that the more politics becomes a "dirty" subject, the fewer people are running the country. Especially informed and reasonable people. What made our country so different and great at its inception was that we were all supposed to run it.

It never occurred to our founding fathers that we wouldn't want to. That it would be too much work for us all, some day, to keep track of the laws that were being changed and to voice our opinions to our representatives. To vote, even.

I work really hard to be a good citizen. I read a lot of news from good sources (harder and harder to find), I fax and e-mail and call representatives a lot. I post updates on my Facebook that are political in nature even though I know it ruffles feathers.

Why do these things? Why soil my reputation with the dirt of politics? Why upset people who can't tell the difference between disagreement and hatred? Why risk being wrong?

Because all of this matters. It is our job to watch because it is all of us that bear the consequences of these decisions in years to come. Laws on immigration, national debt, taxes, budgets, public education, wars -- these things affect real people every day.

So, how's your citizenship? Do you believe in being politically active? Why or why not?

Reflections on Life Without TV

I realized the other day that we haven't had TV in our house for nearly 5 years and it caused me to pause and contemplate that.

About 4 1/2 years ago we decided to make the leap to a TV free life. We still watch movies sometimes, but overall we're pretty much off the box these days.

So, after almost 5 years with no TV, here are my reflections:

• Indeed, we have way more time. We're also more purposeful with that time.
  
• We get our news from less sensational, print-based sources rather than the TV news and I think we are correspondingly less terrified.
• We don't want anywhere near as many things as we used to.
• We have no idea what movies are playing.
• When we see sitcoms now they all seem really overacted.
• Our house is really quiet and peaceful to me now, whereas that quiet would've been uncomfortable to me before.
  
• I MISS FOOTBALL.
• We both miss Food Network and HGTV.
• We still have to be really wary of the computer for the "time sink" factor.

Overall we're both really glad we got rid of it. It pushes us to spend more time together as a family, to talk and build our relationships when we're together, and to pursue other activities. It's also nice, when you're broke, not to know about all the latest and greatest gadgets you can't afford.

Is anybody else out there TV free? What are your thoughts?

And thirty-two

Today is my 32nd birthday and I can hardly believe it. I remember my mom telling me once that she's always felt 21 ("When I was 15 I felt 21. Now I'm 50 and I feel 21.") and I totally relate. It's weird to age.

I woke up at 4 this morning to feed Evan and I was too hungry to go back to sleep. So I got up and ate and found a very sweet card and some chocolate from Jeff. My parents were visiting and took us all out for breakfast this morning and gave me a bunch of my favorite movies on DVD plus a book I've wanted for a while. My Meme and Papa called and sang "Happy Birthday" in two parts. Jeff's mom sent cupcakes. My friends called and texted and wrote on my wall in Facebook. What a beautiful flood of love!

I've been so struck lately by how rich the relationships in my life are and how blessed I am to have them.

I have this theory that we are born with only two real desires: to be known and to be loved. My children pretty much came into the world saying, "Know me and love me!" Now I see that in everyone around me as well.

Of course, as a Christian I believe that everyone is already known and loved by the God who made them. But most of us are almost afraid to believe that about ourselves. We get the message that it's ridiculous to think of ourselves as special or important and that we must do something great (or at least well-known) to deserve to be known and loved.

The truth is the opposite of what we hear. We are already known and loved. All of us. We are unique and important.

I pray that I can help others feel that way as well.