Pearls

Our Christmas was simple and beautiful, just the three of us at home. We've hosted people for several years, so we missed that but it was also nice to just have it quiet with no real plan.

It was wonderful to have Lilia's first Christmas and I think I'll write another post about that, but the thing that floored me this Christmas was that Jeff, on our very modest budget, was able to procure my dream gift -- a string of real pearls!

A nice way to say it would be that I like classic things. Maybe less flattering would be what my friends say -- that I just want to be an old lady inside. Could be true.... But I love pearls. And more than that, I love these pearls. I don't like the kind of pearls that are the same size the whole way around the necklace (maybe I'm too short or pudgy for those?), I don't like perfectly white pearls, I could go on and on about the ways I'm picky about pearls. But I love these pearls. My pearls. He had some help from some very good elves, but the fact that my loving husband got pearls for me for Christmas is something I shall treasure forever. So far I've worn them every day (returning them carefully to their little box at night) and as of right now I intend to continue doing so for the rest of my life.

Our life just feels like a string of pearls right now and I am loving every minute of it. Almost.

New Year, New Stuff

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. I haven't for years because I try to evaluate my life and change it far more often than every year. So this isn't that post. :)

I generally hate New Year's as a holiday. (For background, see previous post re: transitions....) Anyway, today is so different.

I woke up so grateful, so hopeful and optimistic. I could already feel the baby moving and I just stayed there and felt it, absorbed it, tried to appreciate it and wrap my mind around it. To feel this connected to a person that I don't really know yet is a strange gift and a truly unique experience.

Didn't think I would feel that way because an old fear has resurfaced for me in recent days. I've been worried that parenting will overwhelm us, bury our relationship and our spirits forever. I've worried that we're not up to the task, that we've been too naive about the whole thing by looking forward to it. The snickers from other parents, the "Silly new parents. They haven't got a clue what they're getting into" mentality.

But yesterday I was inspired by reading a very old friend's website about his little baby boy. He and his wife just seem to be beaming through the whole experience. Not "making it through," but loving every minute of it. In a flash I remembered why we chose to have a baby in the first place, how excited I am to fulfill a lifelong calling to help lead a family with my husband, and most importantly I remembered to have a little faith. A little faith in the God that called us to this, a little faith in the best husband in the entire world, and a little faith in our ability to lead a family.

So I'm going bravely, naively even, into the great unknown.

**Blowing noisemaker with a ridiculous smile on her face**

HAPPPPY NEW YEAR!!!!