Mom Encouragement

Some things about being a mom I knew about before. Some I sort of guessed. And some I did not see coming.

One thing that falls into that last category is the lack of respect from the culture as a whole for parents, and especially mothers, and the work they do. It comes out in lots of ways but the big two that I see are minimizing the work of stay-at-home parents (are you just a stay-at-home parent? Don't you have a degree or a profession? Don't you want to get out of the house? etc.) and criticizing other people's parenting choices or styles (What are you feeding him???? Don't you have her on a schedule yet? You are a slave to that schedule, lighten up! You stopped nursing? You don't hold him enough! You hold him too much, he'll be spoiled....).

So in the end it's very easy for a new mom to get a one-two punch of a message that can take the wind out of her sails in two seconds flat: What you do is totally unimportant, and you're doing it wrong. How's that for validation and encouragement in the most difficult and important job you'll ever do in your life?

So many moms just need someone to say Wow, you're doing a great job and changing your child's life forever. Thank you! So here I go.

• I know of few professions that require so many separate skills and tasks from one person as being a stay-at-home parent. You need to become an expert in nutrition, psychology, education and time-management, to name a few. It's not a no-brainer!
  
• Being a parent is more physically taxing than any job I've ever had. There are no sick days or vacation time, and you can't go into a room by yourself or slow down when you're having a bad day. You have to do this important work at your best and your worst.
• The greatest necessity in most careers is skill. You learn how to drill or make certain decisions or whatever you do. But to be a parent the greatest necessity is character. You must show your child an example every day, again no matter how you feel on that given day, and you must love them with your actions all the time. Character is much, much harder to develop than skill.
  
• Most jobs have at least a few "quick wins." You get a review or a raise, complete a project, etc., and you feel great. Parenting has nearly none. You invest, and invest, and invest. And then later on you see how you did. It's like a 20-year project!
• Study after study shows that no matter how we complain about the influence of poor schools, peer pressure and television there is no one in the world who impacts a child more than his/her parents. Children who age out of foster care (who have no parents or whose parents are too dysfunctional to raise them) are significantly less likely to graduate from high school and college and significantly more likely to need public assistance, have children outside of marriage, have marital problems, commit crimes, be victims of crimes, live in poverty and have mental health problems. That is the difference a parent makes.
  

I'll have more to say on this in another post, I'm sure. But for now let me say to all the parents out there that what you do is exceedingly important. You may not know how important for years, but you are building something to really last. Thank you.