I can't believe my little baby is over 7 months old and weighs over 18 pounds! Sometimes something happens, some little thing, and I think I hope I remember that forever. I can't believe that this whole complicated little person is in my life. I used to be amazed by thinking about all her little parts, like the size of her smallest bone or everything it took to make her little fingers move. That still blows me away but I think a lot now about her personality -- all the little things that make Lilia who she is.
It's incredible to me that God lets us do this. We, who to put it politely have a long history of mostly screwing things up, get to make and grow and teach whole new little people. Can you believe that? When I think about the weight of it I'm totally awed. She is a person with preferences and ideas and character. She is a soul. I wish I had more words, different words, better words to express my thinking here. Today, at this hour, I understand why people get addicted to having kids. It's like making a comet or a star or a planet or an ocean, only more important. I will not feel this way in the moment that she's waking tonight and needing food and I remember the incredible personal cost involved in this process. But in this moment I feel like I could really get addicted to making people.
She still blows raspberries to communicate. It's one of the few things she can do on purpose "with" us. She does it in turns with us. She's totally delighted by it.
She lights up almost every time we look at her. Just because she loves us. Because we're that important. She really knows that life is about relationships.
She kicks her left foot when she tries to do nearly anything, but particularly when she's eating. It's for emphasis, I think. I really have no idea, but I love it.
She thinks hard about new people. No smiles, usually, for at least 15 minutes. She just stares like she's sizing them up. I would pay big money to know what she's thinking in those moments.
She needs shamelessly. In many ways, I find this to be her most endearing and inspiring trait. She doesn't strive for independence, but rests contentedly in her dependence on us for everything. And she assumes that if we don't give her something she needs we've misunderstood her. Her faith is that pure. Nothing could make me want to move mountains more.
She is such a talker. (I think she gets it from Jeff.) She's loud and expressive and careful in what she says, only nobody can understand yet. She squeaks and squeals too, which is my favorite.
She's starting to think really hard about crawling. She saw one of her friends doing it last week and it definitely sealed the deal in her head -- she wants it bad! But I think there's a bit of a perfectionist in her (also from Jeff, I'm certain....) and she only tries for a little bit before getting so frustrated with herself that she stops altogether. Gonna be a long road, little girl, if you don't have patience for yourself!
All of these things amaze me and I thank God for this job.
2 comments:
I encourage you to write down every little thing about Lilia that you want to remember. We hope and we think that we can remember all the stuff we love because it's so amazing. But kids continue to do amazing things and pretty soon our brains are full and the smaller things begin to fade. So write it down. Here or in a journal or a baby book or a scrap of paper... document it!
That was a very touching blog my friend. What you say it true and I feel very blessed to experience this as well. I do wish that I were close enough to share more such moments with you guys though.
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