Up and Down in a Half-Changed World

Motherhood never ceases to amaze me in how different it is than I thought it would be. From the outside it can seem idyllic, quiet, simple. You see moms out and about looking mostly very happy, you get cute Christmas cards with smiling families on them. And people refer to having a family as "settling down," like a racehorse who goes out to stud -- just chilling out and reproducing from now on. Almost like some version of retirement. Things humming along with children laughing in the background.

Although opportunities of all kinds are open to women now, the view we pass on of parenting is still right out of a black-and-white television sitcom.

My sister told me about this article, which summarizes a study on stress and occupation. Apparently, at-home parents have higher levels of stress than any other profession they studied (including nursing, driving a cab, and trading on the stock market). Well, that's more like it. And I would imagine that parents who are working and parenting at the same time would experience similar levels of stress.

This is a cover-up that doesn't need to be. We need to accept, as a greater society, that parenting is very, very difficult. It is truly more difficult than any job I've ever had. Pretending that it's easy -- almost a leisure pursuit, really -- and part of a "quiet life" does a disservice both to those who are currently parenting and to those who are considering it. Parenting is a big deal. The stakes are high, the days are long, the decisions are critical, the pressure is sometimes overwhelming and the consequences are eternal. It is truly a life's work.

But the other side of this equation is that it has changed me so much more than I expected. It is my Everest. A daily marathon that shows me who I really am and brings me daily to my knees in a very good way. Would I want it to be easy, raising my daughter? While a selfish side of me whines about the difficulty, a very small and much wiser voice deep inside knows that this process is so much better, deeper, fuller than just a leisure pursuit or a shiny ad in a magazine.

I asked the Lord to change me and He sent me a child. I will never be the same.