Thursday, January 22, 2009

"Well, excited AND scared..."

(Title is a reference to "Into the Woods" if you're trying to place it!)

I feel that I've spent at least the last 2-4 months trying to create an accurate picture in my head of what it will be like to have a little baby in this apartment, and then a toddler (and probably another little baby... or 3!), and then kids, etc.... Anyone who knows me knows that one of my most defining character traits is the deep desire to know what will come next and to be well-prepared for it. It's like I was a boy scout on steroids in a former life. As you can imagine, this particular trait becomes a major source of frustration in my life, because the future is a tricky thing. Life doesn't always go as planned, does it?

Of course you can prepare for a baby, but you can't prepare. How will I feel? What will I think when I look at her? How will it change my relationship with Jeff? What will my days look like? What will the nights look like? Will she have my outgoing personality, or her father's gentle spirit? Will she share our love for stories and food and our dislike for television as she gets older? Will she hate me when she's a teenager?

I'm excited to meet and get to know our little Lilia, but I have no idea what to expect. I'm so jealous of Jeff, who absolutely loves not knowing what to expect. But alas, I hate blind corners.

Apparently, God does not.

Here's to embracing the unknown!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

God wants you to trust Him enough to let Him take care of it!

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34