Babywatch Update

I'm turning the blog back to it's owner but wanted to get this last pic up. Grandpa Cary

Babywatch Update

Lilia Joy arrived at 7:10 this morning and weighed in at 8lbs. 4 Oz. . Mother and baby are fine. She came out the old fashioned way. Praise God who gives every good gift! Thanks for your prayers.

Babywatch Update

Jeanne went in to help with the pushing (How do you help with pushing??? Feet in back or on tummy perhaps?) Anyway, that leaves me, Cary, to pass on the news from the birthing room. Alyssa and the baby are doing well and she has started pushing. The nurse thinks we'll be making our introductions by 7:00. Please be praying this final lap will go well to a joyous finish.

Babywatch Update

Well, it looks like the party's about to begin -- she's 9.5cm dilated, the baby's in a great position, and as I left the room to go type this, she was feeling a strong urge to push. The nappers are all up and getting set. Jeff's taking a shower and getting ready for action. If you're up, pray that things don't stall out (the loved ones of the people we've been hanging with in the waiting room both had to have C-sections). We're on the home stretch!

Babywatch Update

Cary and I (Jeanne) are sitting out in the waiting room. I tiptoed into the room about an hour ago, and all three of them (Alyssa, Jeff, and Eleicia) were sound asleep -- good!

Cary just went back, found Alyssa awake, and had a good talk with her. She's still stuck at 6cm, and they're going to check again at 1am (it's 11:45pm now). She really needs prayer that she'll make progress. The baby is still doing okay, but is showing some slight signs of stress. Alyssa is in good spirits; Jeff & Eleicia woke up briefly but went back to sleep.

Whew -- keep praying!

Babywatch Update

Hi -- Jeanne here again. Here's the scoop: she's 6cm dilated, and her contractions are irregular and weakening (the baby is fine!). Alyssa hasn't been able to rest at all, or keep down any nutrition, although she's hanging in there like a trooper. SO -- they're going to give her an epidural, and Pitosin (sp?) if needed, to bring on the labor, because she's been in a a race against the clock since her water broke. They were hoping to go a much more ... natural ... route, but they're going to need their strength and restedness after the baby comes ... !

So, here's the prayer: that she'll take the epidural well, that she (& Jeff) will get some rest for a few hours, that the epidural itself will induce the labor so she won't have to take the Pitosin, and that we'll have a healthy baby and some happy parents in a few hours.

Thanks for praying!

Babywatch Update

This is Jeanne -- Cary and I are in charge of updating the blog now. Alyssa is now 5cm dilated; her contractions are regular, about 3 minutes apart, lasting about a minute or two, and getting stronger. Sue, her midwife, feels that she's doing a lot better with the hydration that the IV is providing. The baby has moved to Station 0, which is good progress. Her heartbeat is strong, and Alyssa is doing well, with the help of Jeff and Alyssa's friend Eliecia. The nurses are very nice and helpful, and respectful of her birthing plan. For you life group members, Alyssa is loving the cornbags.

Babywatch Update

So, more news from the Brooks-Dowty home...

We are heading over to Chandler Regional Hospital. Alyssa & Jeff have made a very difficult decision, but they believe that it's the best thing for Lilia. Her heart rate has been okay, but showing little variability in the last few hours. Alyssa's contractions, though strong and steady, have not been dilating the cervix much. She is fully effaced, but only 3 cm dilated after all these hours. Sue has been great and errs on the side of caution when it comes to transporting. Since she has no explanation as to why this is occurring, transporting is her recommendation and Alyssa & Jeff are completely at peace with it.

Prayer is needed for courage to get through the next few unknowns. They are fearful of what the next step looks like. Please also pray that Alyssa can get some sleep in so that she will have the strength to push Lilia out once it's time. A few more requests are that they have wonderful nurses who can nurture and encourage the most natural labor possible at this point and for no complications that will lead to a c-section.

Thanks for the prayers! I will try to post again, but there is no telling if I will get a chance as I am also headed to the hospital to be with them. Know that they are well taken care of and are really supporting each other. They are going to be such amazing parents. I look forward to posting a picture of the newest edition to the B-D's house!

Babywatch Update

Sorry it's been awhile since updating everyone...so here's the scoop...

Baby is sounding great and her heartbeat has been normal for the last several hours. Alyssa is having more pain than anticipated and this labor is much longer than she expected. There has been progress and we will have a baby by the end of the day.

Her water broke about 4 hours ago and the cervix continues to dilate. She and Jeff went on a long walk a little while ago and they are planning on another one. They are doing such a great job meditating on God's word and praying...it truly is an inspiration to see them go through this process together.

Please continue to pray for strength and endurance. They are exhausted and need to get through the day probably without any sleep. Thank you so much for all of your prayers, they were definitely felt a few hours ago during a very dark moment and they are continuing to flow through this home.

Babywatch Update

I guess you might want a bit more information - Alyssa was attempting to get some sleep because she is completely exhausted and then the contractions became more strong around 9:30 pm and have kept her awake. Sue is here with her entourage and has been checking the baby frequently. She is taking great care of Alyssa and we can know that transport will happen if necessary. Jeff is doing great too, but needs prayer also for the exhaustion that they are both feeling. Baby's heartbeat is still a bit low and they want to see more variability. I'll be back on in a bit!

Babywatch Update

Hi Prayer Warriors....we need you now. Please pray that the baby's heart rate increases to where it was a few hours ago and that Alyssa has peace. She is feeling very scared and needs the peace that passes understanding. She's on oxygen right now and is trying different positions to try and pep the baby up. I'll try to keep you updated as best I can.

Babywatch Update

Patience is, apparently, a virtue.

Our amazing midwife, Sue, came and checked everything out a few hours ago. Effacement has improved, dilation has not. She said she sort of figured that with the kind of contractions I'm having. Not super constructive in terms of dilation. The good news is that I'm not real uncomfortable, but the bad news is this "limbo land" could last a while and my body is doing it for a reason. She thinks that if I'm well-fed, well-hydrated and well-rested, real good labor could set in on its own.

Before she came I talked with her on the phone and basically said we would either like to dial it up or down -- either encourage my body to sleep or get into real good labor. Given the dilation situation, we all decided it would be best to try to dial it down. I'm eating right now, then I'm going to take a bath to try to calm the contractions down and then take some measures to get some sleep.

We'll see where we're at in the morning. For now, this will give me and Jeff some good time to process everything that's happening. I'm on total emotional overload right now. A bath and some good sleep will definitely do me some good.

Speaking of doing me some good, I just need to give a shout-out to Eliecia, who was amazing all day today. It was so fun to converse with her, confess my feelings of frustration in these uncharted waters, ask questions, etc. PLUS she's bringing me a donut tomorrow. :) Thanks Eliecia!

Babywatch Update

Took a long walk in the hope of speeding things up, but it's still puttering around between barely noticeable and too strong to sleep. Hmmmm....

Time to call Sue!

Babywatch Update

I got a few more hours of sleep out of putting hot corn bags on my back before the contractions became just a little too much to sleep through again. Then I took a shower. Now that I'm up and around I feel a lot better. Jeff and Eliecia also got some sleep, so that's really good.

Apparently my body adapts to change as slowly as I do, so this thing just continues to slowly, slowly progress. Obviously it's not too bad since I'm still typing these myself. We haven't timed the contractions since I woke up and took a shower, but I'm pretty sure they're still regular but less frequent and slightly more intense than they were. We may call Sue and ask for ways to get things going a little faster while I still have energy.

So that's the update. Thanks for all your comments and prayers! It's much easier not to need to call a whole bunch of people and to have all the information going out in one place.

Babywatch Update

I could kiss our amazing midwife, Sue.

I believe we've been asleep for like 3 hours. I'm going to go for another round! Going for at least noon. We've gotta get some rest.

The only hard part is going to be getting back into the rhythm of the contractions, which feel much more painful after feeling like I had some time off....

Babywatch Update

Sue, our amazing midwife, came to allay my fears that my bag was leaking -- it's not. That is very good news at this point.

We were sort of confused as to where we were in this process -- the contractions are painful and regular, but just not... I don't know how else to say it... painful enough. Sue was able to clarify that we're still really early. She recommended sleep (yes, that would be the hope) and made some suggestions that will make that possible. We're going to try to sleep and then kick things back into gear this afternoon/evening. That is pretty welcome news because we're wayyyyy to tired to take on the hard part right now, and fatigue can complicate matters.

The official stats are that I'm fully, or nearly fully effaced, cervix is soft and favorable, dilation is only 2 cm, but that's progress from where we were! We're just happy things are moving forward....

Off to try some new things to get some sleep.

Babywatch Update

Decided to go the other direction from paying attention, timing contractions, etc. Put on "Cheaper By the Dozen." Now we're thinking we're gonna try again to get some sleep.

I'm very tired, but I have a total inability to sleep in any position other than horizontal, and horizontal seems to intensify the contractions. Soooooooo, I've got a conundrum. If you're still watching, pray that I am tired enough that I can sleep through the contractions.

Sue, our wonderful midwife, called to check up. We still think we're doing okay, too early for her to come. Eliecia is a huge help! It's great to have another set of hands and ears. :)

Babywatch Update

Contractions 5 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute each, getting stronger and closer together.

Eliecia is here. We called Sue, our wonderful midwife. We talked with her and decided we could wait it out longer without her coming. We're still doing really well, but I'm craving shredded cheese again....

Future updates may or may not be posted by Eliecia.

Babywatch Update

10 minutes apart, 30-45 seconds each, still hoping to get SOME sleep....

Babywatch Update

Contractions getting too painful to sleep, but not terrible yet. We're going to start timing them here shortly to determine when to call Eliecia and Sue, our amazing midwife. Jeff's filling the tub now....

Babywatch...

I totally hesitate to post this because we're working so hard at NOT getting our hopes up, but on the other hand we are true believers in prayer and we would really, really like everyone to pray.

I've had very mild contractions since about 1:30 this morning, and they've gotten a little more noticeable this afternoon. We started timing them while we played Yahtzee tonight and they were 7-12 minutes apart and pretty regular, but not very painful at all.

We went ahead and called our amazing midwife, Sue to ask if she thought this meant anything and to give her a heads up about what was going on. She said, "This sounds like it might be the beginning of the real thing." She told us to go to bed and get some sleep, and she'll keep her phone close in case.

I just want to ask for everyone's prayers that this is the real thing, and that the real thing goes very smoothly.

If you are praying and are willing, please do leave a comment. We find them very encouraging.

This blog is the first priority to update as things progress, but we've never been in labor before so we have no idea whether that will happen or not. We'll do our best!

Yesterday

Well, Lilia did not choose yesterday.

But I had a lovely day. My parents came down and we went to Tempe, looked at some vacant houses (no, we're not moving. Dad's a realtor.), had lunch, and walked around the Tempe Town Lake. It was very nice of Mom and Dad to come down and babysit me for the day! :) It gave me a lot more emotional energy to keep going.

Today Jeff and I decided to stay home and "take a personal day," which feels very good. We're still disappointed, but a little less severely so than yesterday and Friday. And tomorrow is the day we set with the midwife to look at some natural induction methods, so that's some comfort.

Here's hoping it's today or tomorrow!

The Roller Coaster

Last night was pretty rough. Jeff and I are both feeling so discouraged as we watch his leave time with Lilia slip away. Every time there's a "good sign" we get our hopes up, and as the hours tick away without any active labor we come back to reality. It honestly feels like the baby will never come. Well, maybe it just feels like the baby will come the day before Jeff has to be back at work. That would be so very sad for us, especially for him.

Last night we just begged God together to bring Lilia into the world today. I guess there's no harm in asking. If you think of it, please pray with us that Lilia comes very soon so she can spend some time with her daddy.

"Well, excited AND scared..."

(Title is a reference to "Into the Woods" if you're trying to place it!)

I feel that I've spent at least the last 2-4 months trying to create an accurate picture in my head of what it will be like to have a little baby in this apartment, and then a toddler (and probably another little baby... or 3!), and then kids, etc.... Anyone who knows me knows that one of my most defining character traits is the deep desire to know what will come next and to be well-prepared for it. It's like I was a boy scout on steroids in a former life. As you can imagine, this particular trait becomes a major source of frustration in my life, because the future is a tricky thing. Life doesn't always go as planned, does it?

Of course you can prepare for a baby, but you can't prepare. How will I feel? What will I think when I look at her? How will it change my relationship with Jeff? What will my days look like? What will the nights look like? Will she have my outgoing personality, or her father's gentle spirit? Will she share our love for stories and food and our dislike for television as she gets older? Will she hate me when she's a teenager?

I'm excited to meet and get to know our little Lilia, but I have no idea what to expect. I'm so jealous of Jeff, who absolutely loves not knowing what to expect. But alas, I hate blind corners.

Apparently, God does not.

Here's to embracing the unknown!

You Are Special

From now on, if there's no post entitled "I'm in labor," just assume I'm not in labor yet. If I keep talking about it, I'll lose my mind. So I'm going to talk about something else! :)

I was extremely excited to find a board book version of You Are Special, by Max Lucado, for the baby. If you haven't been introduced to this book yet, you need to go find a copy! It's such a beautiful story about God's love for all of us, typical of the very gracious Mr. Lucado. And the illustrations are fabulous. The only thing I would wish for in this book would be a little more diverse set of Wemmicks. Next edition, maybe?

Rather than do a more traditional review on this one, I'll summarize the plot for you because the story itself is the beauty of the book for children and adults alike.

You see, a man named Eli has made little wooden people named the Wemmicks. The Wemmicks all have star stickers and dot stickers that they give each other based on how talented or interesting or beautiful they are -- stars are a sign of approval and dots are a sign of disapproval. And poor little Punchinello has a bunch of dots and no stars. But he runs into a Wemmick with no stars and no dots -- they just don't stick to her! When he asks her why, she says she it's because she goes to see Eli every day. So Punchinello gives it a shot. Eli tells him that he loves him, and that it doesn't matter what the other Wemmicks think. Punchinello is special because Eli made him. And when he understands that, his stickers won't stick either! He asks him to come to the shop to visit every day.

So this is a story that fits one of the most fundamental values of our family -- that we are special because Jesus loves us, not because of what people think of us or because of what we do. We've already read this story to Lilia several times and I hope that it becomes a favorite of hers as well!

I Surrender... All?

This last Sunday at church was pretty intense. The message series is all about giving up the idolatry of consumerism in favor of a simpler, more peaceful financial life. I would say it's obviously a well-timed message, although in the B-D household we've really worked hard at that for several years already. It was incredible to see how it hit people.

Jesus said, "You can't serve God and money" but I think most of us who have spent time "serving money" didn't know it at the time. You go out to dinner and a movie because you deserve it or it's someone's birthday and you feel bad, you put it on a credit card. Your car breaks down and you suddenly realize you should've had an emergency fund, but you didn't so you either put it on a credit card or, far worse, get all emotional and go finance another car because you "need something reliable." Suddenly you get this sick feeling when you open your credit card bill and you have no idea how you'll get out of it. You're worrying about money 24/7, calling your bank to see how close to zero your account is hovering, working just to pay for yesterday's purchases. You are truly serving money. And you don't even know how you got there.

In the category of "bottom line," one of my favorite truths is that Christianity is not about trying, it's about giving up. But (especially in our society) it's sometimes hard to see what you're holding on to! We we sang a song about surrender after the message, I realized that I have some surrendering to do that is not financial.

I've been really having a rough time with the situation of losing Jeff's family leave time as we go farther and farther past the due date with Lilia. We've tried every natural way to induce labor that we've heard of, prayed like crazy, and worried a lot. Well, especially me. I feel like a really good wife would move Heaven and Earth to find a way to get this baby out so she can spend important bonding time with her daddy.

But this isn't about trying harder, it's about giving up. God knows everything about Jeff's leave and his new position, our timing, my body and Lilia's. And in His infinite wisdom he has chosen a time for her debut that is not now. So I continue to work on surrendering all....

Babywatch, due date plus 3

Lots of Braxton hicks and contractions, but nothing regular or "getting closer together and more intense." Went on a walk with my mom at halftime.... :)

Babywatch... Update?

No news. I hate to blog this every time, but I know there are a lot of people who wonder if I don't! So, no news. :(

I'm getting a little bummed, but I'm meeting my parents at the zoo so I'm excited about that! I'll do a lot of walking....

Babywatch Update -- No news is... frustrating

The only things that happened on babywatch so far today are:

--One big contraction that woke me up this morning, then nothing but Braxton-Hicks stuff.
--Had a non-stress test at the OB today (I'll have one every Friday until birth-day) and the baby is doing very, very well. Again, they mentioned that she's a very active baby! :)

I went on a long walk, I'm drinking water, and looking up all kinds of natural induction methods. Planning to eat pineapple, drink red raspberry leaf tea, take black cohosh root supplements, watch a sad movie, and anything else I can think of! As always, I'll keep everyone posted.

You know the thing about me and change?

This is a general update that I sent out to our small group today. So much to process for my little pregnant brain!!!

Hey guys,

Just a few updates from the ever-more-lively life of the Brooks-Dowtys:

--Having more and more pre-labor contractions, including two periods of time where they got regular and then stopped. But they're getting more intense with every "false start" so we're thinking things are getting close on the baby front. YAY!

--PRAISE #1: I sat down with my contract and my paystubs earlier and figured out that my school still owed me like $2500 or so because they paid me based on 12 months, but I worked half the contact in 5 months. That may not make sense, but anyway I got a paycheck today from my school that I didn't expect, and they still owe me like $500 so I'm really excited about that!

--PRAISE #2: Y'know the job that Jeff applied for "just to get his name out there"? They offered it to him today. They needed to know right away so we discussed and calculated fast and he took it.

--PRAISE #3: The increase in base salary for the new position makes up for the lack of commission, which is what we were praying for, so it looks as though Jeff has been able to move out of sales for good and just be in tech support, and we have a workable one-income budget.

--PRAYER #1: The new position is a graveyard shift, from 10pm-7am. It makes us a little nervous to make that leap, but it's very likely that it's only for 6 months or so. It's just kind of a big 6 months while we have a brand new baby. Please pray that we can handle it and make reasonable choices about our life. The great news is he'll continue to be able to do church and small group.

--PRAYER #2: The training for this new position is Monday. So we're not sure how that works with Jeff's leave or whether he'll need to come in one extra day or what. Please pray that they have another training he can go to that's more like 2 weeks away.

This is all happening so fast and I just wanted to ask for everyone's prayer and support while we navigate it all. It's a lot of change in a small period of time!

***************************UPDATE*********************************

Jeff got into a February 2 training class!!! YAY! Now we need to have this baby....

Babywatch Update -- False alarm. :(

I woke up at 1am with a much more traditional-feeling contraction. The whole painful cramping, going in a wave thing. I tried not to get excited, but I had to get up and eat anyway so I grabbed the stopwatch and started timing. I had contractions five minutes apart for like 30-45 minutes. I started to get more excited and considered waking up Jeff, but then I decided to try to ignore them and go back to sleep. They stopped. :(

Jeff left this morning with the words, "Go into labor and call me so I can come home!" Here's hoping....

Babywatch Update with Ultrasound pics

Here are pictures that Mom took yesterday. Can you see the poor thing's little squished face? She's even frowning! But what's important is that she has enough fluid in there, she's moving enough, her heart rate is good, she's measuring well and she's practicing breathing. Whew! All systems are go. I have a home visit with our midwife, Sue today and I'm looking forward to it.

As babywatch continues, I'm walking a lot, sitting on the ball a lot, and resting a lot to be as over this cold as possible when Lilia Joy makes her debut. My brain and heart are full, but I'm going to have to blog more later because my eyes are still really tired.

Babywatch Excitement! It's (officially) a girl!!!

Mom came down today and went to the ultrasound with me, which was super fun. It was hilarious to see this ultrasound vs. the other ones. In the other ones the baby is all compact and sort of typical of what you would think an ultrasound looks like. In this one, you could only see one part at a time and it was all squished up! It was really comical, this poor little baby trying to make the best of her crammed circumstances.

Speaking of "her"....

The tech said it's actually harder to tell at this stage whether it's a boy or girl, but she told us she's nearly certain it's a girl. So we're taking that for gospel truth and going with "It's a girl!" We're excited! Of course, we'd be equally excited if it were a boy but we'd have to buy a few things....

Quick Babywatch Update, then bed!

I'm exhausted and going to bed shortly (just got back from life group), but I thought I'd update y'all about the baby stuff today:

• Had a Dr. appt -- cervix is soft (good sign), but everything else is pretty much the same.
• Baby does NOT want to turn from posterior position! This makes for a more painful labor and delivery so please join us in praying that he/she will turn into anterior position!
• Jeff and I were very seriously nesting today, so if that changes your bet please comment on previous thread!
• Weirdly, we're going to have an ultrasound tomorrow. It's called a BPP -- BioPhysical Profile -- and it will tell us that the baby is doing okay as we move past the due date. Theoretically I will do one of these and one non-stress test each week until we have the baby, but I have a sneaking suspicion the baby will be here in the next week. The bonus is that we get to verify whether we have a Lilia or an Evan! :)

That's all. Goodnight folks!

Babywatch Update

For those of you who are wondering when the heck our little one is going to make his/her debut, so are we! We frequently get asked if there's "any news," but the problem is that as a first-time mom I'm not super good and figuring out what's newsworthy. I don't know what it's supposed to feel like! I'm sure I'll know when I go into serious, late first stage labor, don't get me wrong, but I'm not sure I know the "early signs."

But in case anyone has a better crystal ball than me, here's what we have:

• "Due Date" is this Thursday.
• First babies are actually an average of 8 days "late" and the due date is supposed to be an average, so if you're figuring it that way it would be Friday, January 23.
• I've had a lot of cramping, mostly at night, since last weekend. Our midwife says that's a sign of cervical changes, which could be good.
• Last OB appt. was Monday and I was 1 cm dilated, not effaced at all, and the baby was at -2 station. These all generally mean that the baby won't come soon, but they're not certain signs. They can, but usually don't, change quickly.
• I'm having a lot of pre-labor/warm-up/Braxton Hicks contractions. That may or may not mean anything.
• I've gone through several nesting periods, but I don't think I'm in one at the moment.

So that's the baby watch. Bottom line: your guess is as good as ours! Anybody want to guess or make a bet?

Marriage, Illness, Donuts and Dependency

Yesterday was definitely a sick day. Sore throat, achy body, fatigue, just a general feeling of YUCK. I slept and watched movies for nearly the entire day.

Jeff was very concerned and called on his break to say, "Don't do ANYTHING today, okay? That means no dishes, no cleaning, nothing." He also came home to a white board full of things I was requesting that he pick up (including a prescription, toilet paper and donuts!), and a wife who was having trouble reaching the remote on the coffee table from the couch. He was such a trooper. He just went right back out after work with his list. He was so tired last night that he fell asleep on the couch in his dress clothes!

In these kinds of situations, Jeff has taught me so much about healthy interdependence. It's been very hard for me to learn that it's okay to need and accept help. Now I'm learning the next piece of the puzzle -- it's not just okay, it's good. It's how we build relationships based on trust, both with people and with God.

So last night I sat with the husband God gave me on the couch, wrapped myself up, and ate my donut. It tasted so sweet.

What Kind of Family do You Have?

One of the greatest parts of Families Where Grace is in Place is a section containing two contrasting lists: Ten characteristics of "curse-full" (controlling) families and ten characteristics of Grace-full families. These lists provided excellent dinnertime conversation for Jeff and I as we talked about our families of origin and our new family. We even decided to put the "grace-full" list up on our wall. (We now post things pretty frequently, due to the excellent example of our friends the Esparzas.)

I decided a paraphrase of the lists would be a good idea to blog, but I'm going to contrast them on each point rather than making two separate lists. If you haven't picked up the book yet, I will tell you again that I can't recommend it enough!

So, how is your family doing?

1. Grace-full families affirm out loud. Curse-full families shame out loud. In a curse-full family, shaming is used as a means of control. In those families, the message sent to each other is that they don't measure up or that they should be different. In grace-full families, you may hear messages like, "I love you." "You are so capable." "I'm here for you if you need me." "I'm glad you're a boy/girl."

2. Grace-full families are people-oriented. Curse-full families are performance-oriented. That means in a grace-full family, love is not earned by doing anything. Again, in curse-full families, love is withheld as a means of controlling behavior.

3. Grace-full families have out-loud rules and expectations. Curse-full families have unspoken rules. So in a grace-full family, everyone knows the rules and expectations and it's okay to talk about them. In a curse-full family, you learn the unspoken rules when you break them, and if you talk about a problem you must have caused it.

4. In grace-full families, communication is clear and straight. In curse-full families messages are either "coded" or given through other people. His example is great here: "If you want someone to take out the garbage, ask them to do so. Don't say, 'Sure would be nice if someone would take out the garbage' and then complain when people ignore and/or miss your coded message.

5. In grace-full families, God is the source. In curse-full families, idolatry is prevalent. In grace-full families everyone looks to God for their value, rather than looking to outward appearance, the approval of others, or the performance of other family members for validation in a curse-full family.

6. In grace-full families children are enjoyed where they are. In curse-full families children are given a hard time for age-appropriate behavior. "In shame-based families children musta ct like little adults in order to keep from being shamed. In grace-full families it's okay for them to act like kids."

7. In grace-full families everyone is responsible and accountable. Curse-full families are preoccupied with fault and blame. This is another case of control -- curse-full families use fault and blame as another means of exerting control, rather than viewing mistakes as valuable learning experiences for the kids and adults.

8. In grace-full families, "head skills" are used for learning. In curse-full families, "head skills" are used for defending. Rather than using "head skills" to keep from being shamed, grace-full families use them for learning.

9. In grace-full families, feelings are valid and useful. Curse-full families are weak on "heart skills." Grace-full families recognize that feelings are not right or wrong, they just exist. Curse-full families view them as wrong or irrelevant.

10. In grace-full families it's okay for the outside to match the inside. Curse-full families are filled with people who are empty on the inside but learn to act full on the outside. So in grace-full families it matters how things really are, but in curse-full families it only matters how things look.

So, does this give you enough to chew on?

Selling Jesus

It always feels like Christmas when we get our new issue of Christianity Today magazine, but yesterday's was especially good.

The cover image is pretty clear and struck a chord with me, so I opened to this article, by the pastor who wrote the book Brand Jesus: Christianity in a Consumerist Age. In my opinion, this guy is right on the money (pardon the pun). A couple of quotes I found particularly, disturbingly, true:

"When it's just you and Jesus, you (the consumer) 'invite him' (the product) 'into your heart' (brand adoption) and 'get saved' (consumer gratification)."

"So, given this cultural setting, any salvation that needs a sophisticated sales pitch is a salvation that won't really do anything. It will make you holy the same way a new pair of Nikes makes you athletic—which is to say, not at all. It only changes your religious brand."

He goes on to list specific problems with a marketed Christianity. The crux of it is that, in a consumerist society, we do something for a brand by buying their product based on what the product can do for us. But it never does what it says it will do, and our entire society is based on becoming discontented enough to buy again. See where this is going to be a problem when we apply it to our faith? First, we do nothing for Jesus by following him, second He isn't there to try to get us to buy His product by offering to meet our every demand, and finally the fulfillment of following the Lord is eternal, not made to wear out so we buy it again.

So, what do you think? Is this a "when in Rome" situation, or do we need to set ourselves apart from our consumerist society?

BONUS POST! Book list.

Check the side of my blog. Your wish is my command -- I've added a list of my favorite non-fiction books as a start. These were just the ones off the top of my head, but I'll edit as I think of more. I love recommending books!!! Please feel free to request recommendations any time. :)

Zephaniah 3:17

Since reading The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg, I've seen Bible memorization in a completely new way. I used to see it as putting some Great Verse in my back pocket in order to pull it out someday, when applicable. Sort of a Sunday School pin mentality.

Now I am memorizing more slowly and meditating on each line of the verse, and choosing a verse that speaks to me right now. It's been an incredible spiritual experience.

I've been working on Zephaniah 3:17 for about a week, but yesterday it "blew up" for me in a completely new way. Until yesterday, I'd been really focusing on accepting God's love in this verse for myself as I go bravely into the unknown. That's still true, but after reading Families Where Grace is in Place and learning a lot about infant attachment, I'm seeing this verse a little differently.

The greatest job of a parent, I think I'm beginning to understand, is to be a model of God's love. We learn to love when God loves us, we learn to forgive when God forgives us, we learn about grace and parenting and guidance all because of Him, parenting us. Well, I think this verse may become my "life parenting verse." It's not just about how God is parenting me -- being with me, being capable of meeting my needs, taking delight in me, rejoicing over me. I'm wondering if it's about my job, too, as a parent. No, I can't be my kids' god, but I can be a picture of the God who's already given Himself for me. I can be the one who is with them, on their side, delighting in them, rejoicing over them and showing them that God does the same.

What a job.

"I'd rather be miserable with you."

Ordinarily, Jeff is a rock. He doesn't get sick, ever. He has the immune system of steel, of which I'm very jealous.

But I think all the stress of the transition has weakened his immune system a little and yesterday he got a dreaded cold. Poor thing! He's so miserable! Congestion, fatique, sore throat, achiness, the whole nine yards.

The only thing I like about Jeff getting sick is that I have the opportunity to "baby him" in ways he otherwise may not exactly tolerate. ;) So this morning I made him Throat Coat tea, french toast, orange juice, muffins, and cut up an apple. And I heated him up a corn bag and got him all settled in for breakfast.

Over the table he looked at me with his bleary eyes and said, "I'd rather be miserable with you than healthy with anyone else!"

Made my day.

Book Review: Families Where Grace is in Place

I have a nasty habit of reviewing books while I'm in the middle of them because I get so excited. I'll probably post an updated review when I'm done.

I bought this book used on Amazon at the recommendation of Christians for Biblical Equality, which is an egalitarian organization that Jeff and I are a part of. It is a truly phenomenal book. It came in the mail yesterday and I'm already halfway through it!

The key to this little gem is that it gets at the root of the problem, rather than offering another "six-step plan to transform your family" or the like. And, most importantly, it recognizes that the root is a spiritual one. Trying harder to fix your family isn't helping because it's part of the wrong system.

The basic thesis is this: In the garden of Eden, before sin entered the world, all was right with our relationships because we depended on God as the source of our wholeness and each other as resources. When sin entered the world, so did "The Curse," which has created a system of idolatry where everyone tries to control everyone else's behavior in order to meet their own needs. So instead of looking to God to meet our needs, we try to fashion the people around us into little gods that will do that. Following so far?

Here's the worst part: Christians are often no different. But instead of trying to get people to just do what we want blatantly, we tend to spiritualize it. Like a wife trying to get her husband to lead family devotions or a husband telling his wife to submit to his selfishness, or parents trying to get their children to do impressive things or behave in a certain way. Christian books on marriage and family are often filled with ways to try to control behavior without changing the heart.

But the "Grace-filled" family is different. The grace-filled family is based on a few root principles: First, that each person is responsible for him/herself, second that each person finds fullness and value in Jesus, and finally that love is given and not earned by behavior. So substance (how things really are) matters more than appearance (how things look).

When you think of it, it's a revolutionary concept for Christians to stop trying and start relying on God to be our source. But, theologically and psychologically, it totally makes sense. I've got highlighting on nearly every page already and this book has a permanent home on my bookshelf!

I'll update in the next review, but at this point this book gets 5 stars from me!

Who are you and what do you do?

Jeff and I at my school's Winter Concert -- my last hurrah as a music teacher, for now.

Ordinarily at this point I would be grieving my break and gearing up for school to start back up on Monday. It's weird that I'm not and it's giving me a strange identity crisis. I didn't expect to feel this way, since I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. But here I am, wondering who I am and what I do now that I'm not a teacher.

I spent a long time yesterday thinking about this, first realizing that I feel an internal need to defend my choice. Then I realized that the fear behind it is that I'm resigning from the world -- no longer contributing at all.

But (and earlier than usual, I might add!) I prayed and read my Bible and listened to God. I realized something important: What I will do now is the same thing I did last month, and last year and the same thing I will do next year. I will follow God's calling on my life and serve Him in whatever way He asks. I have no idea what that means as the road turns and changes, but I do know that I am called to raise this baby as my next step. So I will do the next right thing.

Bonus Post! One more thing....

Jeff called while I was in the middle of my last blog. I just have to memorialize the fact that that is the best moment of my day -- talking to the greatest husband in the world for 5 minutes on his break. Talk about gratitude....

New Year, New Stuff

I don't make New Year's Resolutions. I haven't for years because I try to evaluate my life and change it far more often than every year. So this isn't that post. :)

I generally hate New Year's as a holiday. (For background, see previous post re: transitions....) Anyway, today is so different.

I woke up so grateful, so hopeful and optimistic. I could already feel the baby moving and I just stayed there and felt it, absorbed it, tried to appreciate it and wrap my mind around it. To feel this connected to a person that I don't really know yet is a strange gift and a truly unique experience.

Didn't think I would feel that way because an old fear has resurfaced for me in recent days. I've been worried that parenting will overwhelm us, bury our relationship and our spirits forever. I've worried that we're not up to the task, that we've been too naive about the whole thing by looking forward to it. The snickers from other parents, the "Silly new parents. They haven't got a clue what they're getting into" mentality.

But yesterday I was inspired by reading a very old friend's website about his little baby boy. He and his wife just seem to be beaming through the whole experience. Not "making it through," but loving every minute of it. In a flash I remembered why we chose to have a baby in the first place, how excited I am to fulfill a lifelong calling to help lead a family with my husband, and most importantly I remembered to have a little faith. A little faith in the God that called us to this, a little faith in the best husband in the entire world, and a little faith in our ability to lead a family.

So I'm going bravely, naively even, into the great unknown.

**Blowing noisemaker with a ridiculous smile on her face**

HAPPPPY NEW YEAR!!!!